Write up by Bryn.
Wellington United Elite 4-0 win against the Victoria University Scarfies.
The story begins in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. "Road warrior" CJ chased down many goal scoring opportunities only to be haunted by memories of the past. The Elite marauders were in fifth gear running like a V8 Interceptor off the road. That is to say, all over the place.
Horton was running around like he had a ticket to Valhalla, skinning the opposition at will. Whilst Dave mostly stood around goal like a blood bag staring at his blood thirsty brainwashed minions. The backline was using their ‘height’ and wiles to fend off any attacks from the youthful energies of the Scarfies. Tom ‘I am not (yet) a doctor’, Todd ‘shouty shouty’ and Adam ‘war boy’ dominated the road to success
Suffice to say our march out of the bottom 4 citadel was finally on track when the ginger assassin/ninja scoring to enhance our conversation rate to 1/20 chances. Elites up 1-0 at half time.
The second half was more of the same. Pete “Furiosa” was particularly graceful in winning his 50/50s and 30/70s; Doug ‘Doof Warrior’ was playing to his own tune, scoring a goal and being above the savagery of the opposition number 8 who hacked him twice in 30 seconds, Ganesy "pole warrior" won a header and now has concussion – oh and Crespo scored two more for a hat trick.
The story ends when Pete “Furiosa” looks back to see CJ “Road Warrior” walking away and into the wilderness again and the two share a nod of acknowledgement.
BOG (best on ground)
Elite 2 - 1 TFTS
Write-up by Greg
Wellington United Elite finally got their season underway on Monday night with a hardworking 2-1 victory over Wellington Olympic TFTs under the lights at a very windy and miserable Wakefield Park.
There was however controversy before the game even begun when a BMW themed joke went down like a cat-shit sandwich with some corners of the Elite dressing room. Thankfully sanity was restored a short time after when it was discovered that CJ in fact did not have c**t written across his forehead!!
The Elite started the game in their usual sluggish fashion, conceding early possession but were able to limit the visitors to shots from distance which rarely threatened goal. As the first half went on the Elite grew into the match and started to look most threatening. A chance for Crespo was well struck across the keeper, rattled the post with the rebound somehow failing to drop to any of the players following up. Another chance went begging when an over hit cross was retrieved by Crespo and looped back into the mixer only for Greg to make poor contact and put it straight into the keepers arms from 6 yards.
The breakthrough finally came moments later when tidy build up play between Bryn and Horton saw the ball land at the feet of the Ginger Assassin out who beat his man and then majestically dropped the shoulder to round the keeper before slotting into an empty net.
It was Horton and the Ginger Assassin (as he will now forever be known) involved again when a ball down the line from Greg was misjudged by the defender allowing Horton to get in behind their back line. He played a neat square ball to Crespo who recovered from a heavy first touch to again beat his man and rifle a stunning effort into the roof of the Olympic net!
Olympic however were allowed a lifeline not long before half time when The Elite's defensive frailties from set pieces were once again clear to see. A free kick from close to the corner flag was whipped in to the near post where a gratefully received free header was guided into the far corner.
After half time the Elite came out strong and really dug in and battled in the difficult conditions. Strong performances as usual from Damo and Steve-O limited chances for the opposition as well as Adam in the middle of midfield who put in a captain's shift in picking up the loose pieces. CJ's introduction allowed tired legs to recover with his clever hold up play.
Olympic were not done though and pressed for a late equaliser but were thwarted by the heroics of Elite keeper Dave. A stunning one handed save in particular kept his men ahead in the game. After an agonising few minutes the whistle went on a drab second half confirming the Elite's first win of the season.
MVP Points -
3 - The Ginger Assassin - Two great goals got us the 3 points we so desperately needed!
2 - Horton - Involved in both goals and ran his ass off all game.
1 - Dave - A couple of good saves kept us in it as well as dealing well with a dangerous cross late in the game.
Also a big thanks to CJ and Niall for giving up a half of football each to ref for us!!!!
Elite 1 - Seatoun 2
Write-up by Ganes
Another sunny, bleary eyed morning started for the Elite and only one thing was certain. I was not driving to the game. With a quick shower, a cup of tea and eggs with ham on toast I was practically sober… Thankfully Decs had kindly offered to pick me up (after I text him an hour before the game), cheers mate. In an inspired effort Decs got us to the game on time - a rarity for me and an irony for most others considering they dribbled (yea football pun…) in late. Apparently Newtown park and Melrose park come up as the same place on the map… But none the less we eventually arrived and acknowledged Ganesy’s fine form at putting up nets. Truly amazing it was…
We mingled like cats in some form of pre-game warm up with forwards connecting with crosses and backs chasing balls in a passing circle. I gladly took part in the latter which was helpful considering the first 10 minutes of the game I also ran in circles chasing God only knows to no avail. Anyhow, kickoff came around and I had depleted myself of some noxious fumes to relish Seatoun’s ability to kick the ball deep into our half. Greg lead the backs well with the flanks recovering the ball nicely to settle the Elite into a passing game, moving the ball to the forwards. Some nice work along the wings soon found Horton Hears a Who with a one on one opportunity, unfortunately he didn’t hear the goalie coming who surprised us all by swiftly rushing out from the line and shutting Horton down. Several further opportunities came through CJ, Tom and an amazing strike from Disco Stu, who dropped the ball on the crossbar like a song from last night’s session but we just couldn’t find the net.
Pressure from Seatoun found the Elite struggling with set plays from the corners. After letting a couple of lads get away from us, the ball shot out, hit a man’s knee and came flying back in the 6 yard box to find a Seatoun player’s head and the back of net. We should have been tighter and they were lucky, but either way Seatoun took the lead in what I feel was against the run of play, although it was still a close game with a few tensions coming through from both sides.
Second half saw more pressure from Seatoun and few more corners coming our way. Again we looked vulnerable in our defensive position and there were a few close calls but we managed to hold out. A few plays came off as we passed it around but the Elite struggled to find the back of the net. To be fair Seatoun’s goalie did a great job and kept his side together with a lot of banter from the rear. No idea what was being said for the most part, in fact it often sounded like random words strung together, which only left the crazy old man on side and his often contradictory commentary for my now spinning head. With the hangover kicking in I thought more than once about curling into a ball on the sideline for a nap. At some point in this thought process I saw a ball stray into the middle of our half and the only man taller than me curve what can only be described as an amazing shot around Dave. It was quite frankly unstoppable and Dave had already (or in the future, my timeline is blurred) done a sensational save.
The Elites’ heads dropped for a bit after the second goal, but low and behold we showed our strength, coming back with a solid passing play coming up trumps. The ball came up the right hand wing with a perfect line ball through the box, placed nicely into the back of the net by fox in the box CJ. I think that’s what happened anyway, I could be wrong… The sky was basically different colour that day in my world. I did see some stuff though. Couple of nice turns from Arch, Scottie blocking a few plays, T-Pain hitting the line hard, Decs running all day in his last game before taking a massive hit from behind and Damo our hard man in defence telling Decs to suck it up. What a finish to the season, hopefully the flight goes alright Ginger Ninja.
What can I say to finish, we tried to step it up but our heads played against our hearts and nothing seemed to come right in the end. I certainly don’t feel like Seatoun were the better side but they took their opportunities where we failed to capitalise. I’m already looking forward to our next game, hell I’ll even turn up sober.
3 Points to Greg for holding the backline together and giving us structure.
2 Points to Damo for yet another strong defensive game.
1 Point to Decs for his tireless running and setting up several plays.
Piece out hombres.
Elite Match Reports