Write-up by Tom
The day started with some fines. Namely, Adam and Dave failed to do their duty and put out a team line up for us, nor did we even know when to turn up to the game for. Then, surprise, surprise, Adam and Dave once again failed us, by forgetting to actually ask the rope-ins to play football for us! Thankfully in the end we had a team turn up and a kit so we got down to business.
‘Twas a beautiful day, nice and sunny. There was a fountain gushing high into the air. Birds chirping away like it was spring, and even a few on the sidelines but alas, Tinder Todd was not around. Cheery moods were in swing, and high spirits found all around. Then disaster. Something in black. A balding head. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. A ref.
Things started well for this ref, with him proceeding to fall over onto his backside before even kick-off, allowing us to grasp early his understanding of such laws such as gravity, along with other rules such as offsides, fouls, back talking, swearing, and most importantly, sign language.
But kick-off happened, as it does, and running about we went. We soon got into the flow of things and looked threatening until route one open for business. A ball went over the Wellington United defence and was rolling towards Dave/Josh when he was suddenly struck down with a case of blindness, allowing the rolling ball to be taken by the opposition and slotted home. Thankfully Steve was nice and compassionate towards Dave/Josh and let bygones be bygones.
We resumed the game with a bit of shock but resumed normal business and started attacking them with intent. Horton was sure that today was his day, the day that a cure was found for HIV and cancer, a day that all poverty was eradicated, a day that led to world peace, a day that Horton scored on. Soon he had his chance, a lovely through ball (I think from Bryn) came through into the box and Horton was one and one with the keeper. We all turned our backs, starting to run back for the goal kick that was going to happen when the unbelievable happened. Horton scored. Yes, Horton popped his cherry.
Wellington soon took control of the game and started to dominate the possession, playing some lovely football across the field and looked threatening. This play soon came with just rewards, as Wellington brought in a flurry of goals, courtesy of Horton, CJ and Liam, that led to us taking a 4-1 lead into half-time (I do apologise for a lack of information regarding the goals but I’ve forgotten it all by now!).
While Wellington was leading with ease there was another battle on their hands. The ref. He had terrorized us with his decisions and especially with his communication skills. He had delivered many a raised hand to people without explaining the actual meaning behind this foreign and strange gesture, show casing us a fine case of aphasia (medical jargon for not speaking right). It should be noted that it is commonly used by policemen to indicate “STOP” but this went over our heads.
With the refs warnings ringing in our ears and setting our blood off, we resumed the second half against 12 men. The ref bullied his way through the half, refusing many a simple call to Wellington all while giving his full support to the opposition. Wellington started to look out of shape, and let in an easy two goals.
After the opposition’s third goal, Pete gave us some kind words of encouragement, making our heart swell with hope and courage. Sadly, the ref did not like this change in us and proceeded to book Pete for the first card of the season. What a disgrace Pete! Bringing shame to the team name!
The match continued in much the same fashion, with Wellington struggling to play against the ref-favoured opposition and we started to hold onto the edge of our seats. Steve picked up a yellow card for looking at the ref and the opposition started to push at our defence.
The ref signalled for ten more minutes. Ten minutes later he added on another five minutes. And then another five for luck. Finally the ref became bored of his dictatorship and blew full time.
A hard fought battle with many swings and turns that left us victorious.
Final score 4-3 Wellington United Elite.
3- Horton. You know why. Just stop grinning about it alright.
2- Bryn. I believe him and his fine mo gave us four assists for the day and also set up many other opportunities. Well played.
Split three ways, maybe a third each?
1- Gainsy. For turning up sober. Please don’t do it again.
CJ. For bringing a pack of snakes and sharing them at halftime. Please do it again.
Steve. For putting a foot or head in when it was needed. Most of the time at least.
-500 (note negative) for Pete, for bringing us down with our first yellow card. Tsk, tsk.