Round 8 - VS BNU Phoenix, May 20, Newtown Park, 2:30pm

Write up by Adam

Elite 0 - 5 BNU

Nobody likes doing a write-up after a loss and it is especially tough when you're doing it on the back of a 5-0 spanking. So, in the interests of moving on with our lives I'll try and keep this to the memorable moments (if we can call them that)...

Back on home soil on a cold but sunny Newtown afternoon we faced a new-look BNU Phoenix from the team we were used to battling with in previous seasons.

We did our best to knock the ball around and played some good passing football when we actually managed to work out we were the team in orange and that the game was a lot easier when you don't keep giving the ball back to the bad guys. The good passing lead to some good possession and after that some good chances. Simple game isn't it lads!

After several warnings one of their forwards burst on to a through ball and slotted it past the outstretched fingers of the toddler in goal. 1-0 BNU. Arse.

After that wake up call we again started to apply some pressure and eventually there was a bit of a scramble in the box. CJ was desperately close to nicking the ball away from the BNU keeper but lucky for them there was a card carrying member of the keepers union on the whistle and Davey Boy gave him the ball back. CJ quietly disagreed with this decision.

A little more Elite pressure lead to a poorly punched clearance from a corner and the BNU keeper was again fighting for scraps in heavy traffic. This time Dave turned his back on the Keepers Union and awarded a pen after a scrambled shot struck the arm of a BNU defender who was caught sunbathing at the front post. Everyone in a BNU jersey quietly disagreed with this decision. 

CJ stepped up and gave us the chance to witness a piece of history when he blazed it over from 12 yards. Only the second ever miss during his 50 year career in the number 9. I understand Niall is the only living person to have seen both.

A little while later my face was violently assaulted just outside the box at the zoo end of Newtown 2 in what is becoming somewhat of an uncomfortable tradition. At least it had nothing to do with CJ's balls this time.

Blurry, blurry, blurry.... My face hurts. I don't know. Half time BNU 1-0

The next 15 minutes were forgettable at best so I'll try to do this in bullet points:

• BNU raid down our left. Wheels McGee runs past everyone and scores
• BNU raid down our left. Speedy McSpeedface runs past everyone and scores
• Angus, trying to go one better than Monday nights effort, stepped up to a free kick, pinged it straight into Jay’s head. Post falcon the ball fell to BNU who launched a raid down our left. Usain Bolt runs past everyone and scores

4-0 BNU. ARSE!

At this point Damo removed his gloves and our keeper got about 3 feet taller. 

Again, we actually looked like footballers and passed the ball around well at times. CJ, Rori and Nik did their best to flatten anyone who stood near them and Greg strutted around the centre circle buoyed on by his recent investment in Blue Tape Inc. How were we 4-0 down!? And then another reminder. A whippet dressed in red and black flicked the ball over a defender and our new extra tall keeper to push the score out to 5-0. 

Full time.... Wow. Must do better.

Really hard to award points this weekend with the defense taking a bath and the strikers not troubling the scorers either. So, in my official capacity as Chairman of the Midfielders Union....

3pts - Shane: Ran all day and was the best outlet for a lot of our attacking moves. Tough afternoon with a solid cross-wind taking the ball away from you for most of the second half but you always found a way to get involved.
2pts - Jay: Except for wandering off the field mid game to rest his shins he was best in transition for us and provided a lot of positive go forward.
1pt - Gregor: Managed to not cripple himself (again) even when I was making a habit of it. Nice to have you back mate. More tape next week.