It was a fine, crisp and braw-bricht moonlicht-nicht
But sadly our in-form squad was soundly dicked
by a Petone team of speedy youths and firsts
some of whom dropped 5 grades to do their worst
A beatup was given to us kind-hearted blokes
Like me, ye and Decs after 5 Jamiesons ‘n cokes.
Or maybe he was sober but he sounded wasted
All I heard was “TURK DEFEND – we’re getting pasted!”
The game had started fairly bloody well in fact
we scored first – The Shane and Greg double-act
A fine move and finish from Greg just six short days
Before Maw and Paw arrive to watch the All Blacks slayed!
Just minutes before his goal Greg’s first-time curling shot
Was saved by their keeps to prove to CJ that Polio he had not
But as the game marched on, they improved and showed flair
proving they had no childhood deficiencies except curly hair.
Actually their best player was lithe, curly and quick as a snake
I don't know his name so lets just call him Justin Slimberlake.
He was perhaps twenty four, never drank or smoked a cig
Probably eats 5-a-day, played in HANG ON ... IS THAT A WIG?!
How much veggie soup did his Granny pump force feed
To curl those hairs into a high performance scouring heed!
He tore at us like he was stripping scum off a pastabake dish
He made our best players look a wee bit pish!
And he wasn’t alone – aided by Greasy Mullet ‘n Waxy Mop
All left footers were N-Sync and surely from a level near the top.
But I digress. Up 1 nil could we hold on til half way through?
“No” said their CB and rocketed a goal from 30 maybe 32
Into the 2nd half and we’d rung changes that hadn’t set
Profitting from our confusion they put the ball in our net.
We quickly downhilled faster than lube-dipped Roger on a slide
Except for a brief joy when Gav narrowly chipped one wide
They were on top and came in waves down the left
Their Cruyff turns, rifled shots and through balls were deft
But Niall can be proud as he saved all he rightly could;
their second half squad was mesmerising, really very good.
And Steve gave them a boost with an controversial award of a pen
after Nik got grabby in the box with one of their men.
Later Steve made amends by not calling Roger’s handball
And Rori pulled a massive back heel that was my favourite play of all!
But aside from Turk and Greg missing easy chances to score
We did ok against a team that simply had more.
2 - Damo for winning every battle. Might have been 3pts but didn't get any stars on my hoodie.
2 - Tim for covering all of my bad defending in this game and the previous one and probably all the future ones
1 - Niall mostly faultless. Probably could have been more angry with the rest of us at times!
1 - Greg - great goal, always available for an easy pass. Kept his composure longer than most of us.
Elite Match Reports